I want to be a writer.

More than anything, I want to see my book in print, to know that people enjoy reading what I have to say, and to be able to say ‘I am a writer’.

I am working towards that goal evert day. My first novel is done, I have signed an agent who is once again reading through my novel, preparing it to submit to a publisher. I have one short story published, and two more novels started.

But until I get that call from my agent with an offer from a publisher, I do not yet consider myself a writer. This does not, however, stop me from being very opinionated about writing. I love my craft, I love to read, and I love to talk about books.

This got me into trouble recently. A friend of mine, who I care about greatly, recently recommended a series of books that she loved, and loaned me the first volume.

I began reading, not as a reader, but as an aspiring writer. I read this book with authority I did not have. And I did not like it. My knee started jerking, and I focused upon all the things I would do differently.

The other night, I was waxing enthusiastic about how bad this book was, and I inadvertently hurt my friends feelings. This series moved her deeply, and I belittled it. I eviscerated it. My friend became quite upset, and cried. We fought, I apologized(booze was involved, and my tongue was loose, I had a lot to apologize for), and I believe we are back to being friends. I am greatly bothered by the fact that I hurt my friend, more than I care to admit.

There is some good that could possible come out of this confrontation, hopefully it is something I can use to ease the pain I caused. I can only assume that the reason my friend was so hurt by my comments, was that she values my opinion. I am warmed by this thought. Second, this incident reminds me, that no matter how excited I am to have gotten as close to publishing as I have, no matter how  much I love my craft or study literature, I am not an authority. People love these books.

Clearly, this author is doing something right, to have touched so many people. I have something to learn from him, and I am no re-reading the first book of the series, with an eye towards that.

This will not fix the hurt I caused my friend, I know that. I am reading this book again as an act of humility and contrition, to learn something new, to understand another point of view other than my own narrow, and preemptively authoritative one.

This post is not my usual rant about Changing Zombie Mythology, or yet another Rule of Fantasy World Building, those will have to wait until later in the week or early next. I apologize to any of you readers who braved my clumsy apology, hoping for entertainment. This post was not for you, but for me. I wrote this because I needed to. I will do me best to make the next one entertaining. There might be zombies, but I can make no promises.